Annette Funicello

December 10, 2025

Say Fay!

The Valedictator

More authentically: C’est fait! It’s done!

Now in early December 2025, I’m officially announcing the completion of the latest piece of an old man’s memory madness, twelve chapters on my exceptional childhood (from 1942-1960, from 0 to 18) called KID STUFF, A Memoir of Chronic Innocence.

My childhood was unique, just as every individual’s life is by definition unique, though folks usually share many cultural contexts and conditioning in creating their personas. After a more or less “normal” childhood, my pubescence and adolescence (12 to 18) turned exceptional when we moved to a truck stop café out in the backwoods of Arkansas… Also exceptional, though shared perhaps to a lesser degree with thousands of teenaged boys across the country, was my three-year romantic obsession with Annette Funicello of the Mickey Mouse Club.

Meanwhile, my chronic innocence persisted, largely dictated by a merciless religion, but also by isolation. Through those 18 years, I never touched anyone impurely nor was touched that way by anyone—except myself. Of course, all my innocent hopes and dreams were dramatic, if futile.

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November 18, 2025

Brothers in Love

Achilles and Patroclus

I’ve been working on my “childhood” memoir KID STUFF since the middle of last year and have just now wrapped it up with a 12th and final chapter called THE VALEDICTATOR.

In the disturbed aftermath of my insane obsession with Annette Funicello, my busy senior year in an Arkansas high school brought a whirlwind of social activity, heavier work in our café, and anxiety about college. For the first time I began to feel like a “normal” teenage boy. However, in escaping from Annette’s enchantment, I ceased most heterosexual inclinations. My frequent strong attractions to and affections for boys I cleverly rationalized as profound brotherly love in the tradition of Achilles and Patroclus. At the mature age of 18, I remained an innocent virgin who had never kissed or even touched anybody impurely (other than myself).

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October 19, 2025

Blood Sacrifice

 

In the midst of the recent political, economic, and social uproar, I’ve kept my head down in my little house and plugged along in my memoir series called KID STUFF. It was a long haul, but I’ve now wrapped up Ashdown High III – Trying to Forget. (One more chapter to go!)

In the previous chapter, I’d abjured my insane love (platonic passion) for Annette, but that wasn’t the end of it. Three years of futilely adoring the Mouseketeer I consider to have been in fact a severe, protracted emotional trauma, resulting in posttraumatic stress syndrome (PTSD). Through the fall of 1959, that disabling psychological disorder disturbed and reshaped my adolescent self. As a classic symptom, I couldn’t quite make myself let Annette go finally and completely. Still caring for her, I decided to whittle a little wooden doll as a birthday present and formal farewell gift, which led to a blood sacrifice and burnt offerings.

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August 27, 2025

A Haunted Heart

Heads up! The next chapter of my childhood memoir KID STUFF has now hit the website. Another long slog through the latter half of my Junior year at Ashdown High, it’s entitled simply LOVE THY NEIGHBOR. Easier said than done…

This chapter describes how a feckless romantic teenager tried to stop adoring Annette Funicello. It was like that ancient song by Teresa Brewer (my father’s favorite singer): “Let me go, lover / Let me be / Set me free / From your spell…” But the beautiful TV star continued to haunt my heart. I was caught in a trap, a vicious loop of futile passion, despair and depression, platonic attraction to others’ beauty, bitter loneliness for a brother, futile passion, etc.

Trying to quit my addiction to Annette cold turkey by loving everybody platonically with no exceptions, simply aroused suspicions of perversion and didn’t work anyway. The only respites from my insane possession came with an atomic adventure in Atlantic City (the high point in my high school career), a trip to Texarkana for my first and only date (kissless), and a few days of clean fun at 4-H Camp with a brief eye-opening experience.

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July 31, 2025

Kicking Cults

A Cult Symbol: Monogram AF+RB

My memoir of innocent childhood KID STUFF keeps growing by leaps and bounds. This is to announce its latest instalment (the ninth if I’m not mistaken). I call it SHORT SHORTS for what is perhaps the most impactful image in the adolescent chapter.

Covering most of my junior year in a new high school with new friends, this chapter describes a teenaged me escaping from two very tenacious cults. One, a popular religious cult, I kicked by spiritual means, and the other, a romantic celebrity cult, simply died on the vine.

I escaped from the Catholic cult by rejecting its myths and dogmas as unnecessarily complex and nonsensical phantasms, replacing them with a new personal creed around the biblical instruction simply to love each other. It was liberating, opening my heart to affection for everybody, girl or boy. Free of sexual under- or over-tones, I practiced it at every opportunity.

Escaping from fanatical, platonic fantasies of Annette Funicello was a much slower process. In this third year of my passion for her, that spring I got flooded with her guest spots acting on TV programs. However, this older Annette, now a professional actress, was a disappointing virtual reality, and I came to see that my obsessive love for her was insanity.

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